Hey everybody. It’s the 2008 Weblog Awards, and I’ve managed to be nominated in the “Best Hidden Gem” category. PLEASE go vote for me. I don’t expect to win (ha ha!) but I WOULD like to get enough votes not to be completely on the bottom either.

You can vote once a day through Monday, January 12th. So exercise your right to vote. Below are the links and my recommendations for several categories. Just click the link and it’ll take you directly to the polling page for that category. THANK YOU!!!

For BEST HIDDEN GEM - THE MEDIAN SIB

For BEST DIARIST - RUTHLACE

For BEST INDIVIDUAL BLOGGER - JO, SOUTHERN SASS ON CRIME

for BEST SMALL BLOG - NICE DEB

For BEST LARGE BLOG - FAUSTA’S BLOG

On January 1st, I wrote that while Lily was losing her hair quickly, it wasn’t immediately noticeable to anyone unless they looked closely. That is no longer true. In just two days she went from having very very thin hair to having big bald patches. Without a hat or a wig, anyone just glancing at her on January 3rd would know that she is quickly balding. I haven’t seen her in two days, and I’m sure it is even more evident now.

She has two new wigs that she REALLY wanted, but she seems to prefer wearing a hat. I think the wigs were more for emotional security. She knows they are there if she needs them. Hats are more comfortable. I’ll be happy for her when she reaches the point of being proud of her bald head - and if anyone has a problem with it, then it’s THEIR problem and not hers.

Cancer is WRONG, and especially childhood cancer.

RT has his own small airplane, and today we put it to good use. I wanted to go visit my mother in Georgia, but it’s a three and a half hour drive. I had bought her a wireless laptop computer for Christmas, but it didn’t arrive in time for Christmas. Of course, it arrived the very day AFTER I got back home from my trip to visit my mother a few days after Christmas. So another trip was in order. I wanted to drive down and then come back today. I couldn’t stay but a little while because I have a couple appointments for tomorrow that I can’t miss.

RT said he’d fly me there. It had been over a month since he’s flown the plane, and it needed to be flown. So around 12:30, RT and I took off in his airplane - landed in my mother’s town an hour later. My sister, Debi, and her son, Jonathan, picked us up and drove us to my mother’s. Jonathan - a sophomore in college who is very adept with the inner workings of a computer and who had promised to set up the wireless connection for Mother - started working on getting the laptop and printer set up. RT and I, Debi and my mother visited for about 45 minutes. Then, we asked Debi to drive us back to the airport. First, though, I had RT snap a photo of me with Debi and Mother.

Carol, Ruth, Debi

We landed back in Nashville at 4:00. In the time it would have taken me to drive to my mother’s house (three and a half hours) we flew there, visited and flew back home.

Ahhhhhh. Very nice.

I challenge you to watch this video. It is 5 minutes long. Invest five minutes to watch something that is profoundly important. Then DO something about it by following THIS LINK:

Here it is, almost 9:30 P.M. on January 1, 2009, and I have not even THOUGHT of New Year’s Resolutions until about ten minutes ago when I saw an online story about them. Wow! Talk about how life changes! Every other year of my life - at least since I was old enough to know the difference between January 1st and July 1st - I’ve had at least one list of New Year’s Resolutions written out by this time on January 1st.

So what are my resolutions? There’s really only one: To get through this first year of little Lily’s chemotherapy for leukemia with our family and relationships intact and to provide her with as much support and love as I possibly can. At the end of 2009, we will not even be half way through this journey.

This is my favorite arrangement of two beautiful songs. It’s by Israel Kamakawiwo Ole. This just seems appropriate for today, January 1, 2009. This is an arrangement that had to grow on me. Since it is so different from what I was accustomed to, I wasn’t sure I liked it at first. However, after awhile, it became my favorite version -even when it doesn’t make much sense since he mixes up the words. It has a happy, carefree lilt to it. What do you think?

Lily is losing a lot of her hair. Right now she still has enough hair that it isn’t immediately noticeable. Larisa says that each morning, there are handfuls of hair on Lily’s pillow. Sitting beside her on the sofa yesterday, I saw lots of hair left where she had rested her head. Next week she will either start arm 1 or arm 3 of the clinical trial. If she is placed in arm 1, she will lose the rest of her hair in a month or two. If she is placed in arm 3, she will lose the rest of it immediately.

I told her the other day that if it would make her feel bretter, I woud shave my head and be bald with her. She looked at me like I was crazy - as though to say, “Why on earth would you shave your head and be bald if you don’t have to?”

Later I started thinking. Would I really have the nerve to voluntarily go bald - and not cover it with a wig? It’s an interesting thing to think about. It’s quite easy to SAY you’d shave your head. It’s quite another thing to actually DO it, and then conduct your everyday life with absolutely no hair - working, teaching, shopping.

Of course I know beyond a shadow of a doubt if I believed that it would make Lily feel even a tiny bit better for me to shave my head, I would do it in a heartbeat. I don’t believe it matters to her, though. Maybe I’m wrong. The topic sure has me thinking, though.

For the past two years I have written about what I make for a New Year’s Day meal. I don’t plan on cooking the meal this year. Somehow, with all that’s going on with Lily, I just don’t have the drive to do a bunch of cooking today. It will mostly be a day to get caught up on some housework.

However, the meal IS delicious - and fun to do. The meal is filled with tradition and symbolism. I thought I would re-print that menu and description of symbolism here. Enjoy!

Here’s the menu, the recipes and the symbolism - some serious and some definitely tongue-in-cheek:

Hoppin’ John

1 can mild tomato/jalopena mixture (RoTel) If you like things a little spicier, use regular RoTel.
2 cans black-eyed peas
1 can diced tomatoes (optional - I love tomatoes)
1/2 lb link of turkey sausage

Cut the turkey sausage into bite-size pieces - dump everything together and cook. You can serve this over rice or mix some rice in it, or eat it by itself with no rice. It’s delicious riceless or not.

Tossed Salad

Lots of lettuce, sliced tomatoes, grated carrots, diced bell peppers with grated cheddar cheese on top.

Cornbread Sticks

2 cups cornmeal MIX
1/4 cup vegetable oil
1 egg, well-beaten
buttermilk (enough to make a good batter)

Pour into cast iron cornstick pans that have been sprayed with Pam and pre-heated in a 425 oven. The batter should sizzle when you pour it into the pans. Bake until golden brown. Serve hot. I like to crumble a cornstick or two into my hoppin’ john.

Sweet Iced Tea

4 family-size tea bags
1 gallon distilled water (You don’t HAVE to use distilled water, but that’s what I always use).
1 cup Splenda

Put the tea bags in a 4-cup measuring cup, fill with some of the water and microwave on high for about 6 minutes. Let it sit (steep) for about 5 minutes. Pour into a pitcher and add the remaining water to make one gallon. Add the Splenda and stir. DELICIOUS and refreshing!

The blackeyed peas in the Hoppin’ John symbolize coins - a sign of prosperity for the new year. May there be lots of that in 2009. The turkey sausage symbolizes my American heritage - the wild turkeys from the first Thanksgiving. For me, it also reminds me of the land where RT and I live - dozens of wild turkeys reside here. The tomatoes and jalopenas symbolize good taste and spiciness. May I never grow too old to be spicy.

The leaves of lettuce in the salad are a symbol of folding money - currency. Again, may there be lots of that in 2009. The tomatoes remind me of the fruits of summer, the carrots for year-round bounty, and the cheese for the perfection of aging (I wish!).

The corn in the cornsticks is another symbol of my American heritage. Enough corn for good health (and we want to eat LOTS of corn this year!), enough oil to smooth out the rough places in life, an egg to remind me of the newness of life, and the buttermilk to remind me that the sour places in life make the good places all the more sweet. Baking the cornsticks in cast-iron pans reminds me of what the American pioneers used in their travels cross country to explore new lands.

The iced tea is symbolic of my Southern roots. Sweet iced tea is pure Southern! The Splenda makes it something I can drink without worrying about calories. RT and I go through a gallon of this tea about every two or three days. I make several gallons every single week. I have to admit that I almost always used decaf tea so I can drink it in the evenings without worrying about it affecting my sleep.

There you have it! A New Year’s day feast with some traditional and some Carol-grown symbolism attached.

Most of this is a re-post from last December 31st. I’ve updated a few things, though.

Today is Larisa’s birthday. It has been a stressful birthday for my precious daughter. It was Lily’s second clinic day. Larisa has said repeatedly that the only thing she wants for her birthday is for Lily’s final labs for this week to come back with zero leukemia cells. We will find out the tentative lab results on Friday and the final lab results on Monday.

So, more than any other year, I am holding precious Larisa in my thoughts and prayers on her birthday today.

On December 31, 1974, RT and I were thrilled to become the parents of our precious Larisa, affectionately nicknamed Stinkeroo by her Grandshaw. Before her birth, RT and I would listen to her heartbeat with a stethoscope. 1974 was before the days of periodic sonograms. So we had no idea whether or not our baby would be a boy or a girl until after the birth. We went into the labor room at the hospital knowing that we’d either walk out with a Paul or a Larisa - we didn’t know which. Ever since I had seen the movie Dr. Zhivago, I knew that I wanted to name the daughter I hoped to have someday Larisa. For awhile we toyed around with calling her by the nickname for Larisa - Lara - but then decided to stick with Larisa. When she was born and we found out that our first child was a girl, we were so happy and we knew immediately her name. The baby was our Larisa that we had been looking forward to for years. She was basically bald for the first three years of her life, but as she grew, she also grew dark curly hair and beautiful brown eyes. She was happy and energetic and a parent’s dream. She thoroughly wrapped her dad and me around her little finger.

The above photo is one of my favorites. It shows her enthusiastic and mischievous nature. I’ve always loved her smile.

This picture is also a favorite. It shows Larisa with her younger brother, Joey. The pigtails were typical. She was an athletic go-getter child - always interested in life, sports, being with friends, and she was/is a great sister to her brother. They had their spats, but have always remained close to each other.

This is how she often slept as a baby - on her back with her arms flung out to her sides. As in everything, she put herself wholeheartedly into sleep, too. She was confident and happy.

This is one of the photos from her wedding to Steve - along with their “baby” (at the time), Caesar. Caesar passed on to doggie heaven quite a few years ago, and they now have two human babies - my wonderful grandgirls - pictured below.

I first wrote about Stinkeroo’s birthday on December 31, 2005, and then on December 31, 2006, I wrote about her again. I hope you have a wonderful birthday, my precious Larisa! Most of all, I hope you get her birthday wish.

About today, December 31, 2008. I was up early in order to be at Larisa and Steve’s house to pick up Sophie at 6:45. Sophie would spend the day with me while Steve and Larisa took Lily for her “clinic” at the hospital. Today would be the big day for Lily - a lumbar puncture and bone marrow aspiration to determine her blood counts, and to make sure that there are zero leukemia cells in her bone marrow. Results won’t be known for a few days.

One thing that was very clear to me today is how much Sophie loves her mother. Of course I already knew that both girls absolutely adore their mother. However, Sophie was so happy to be able to help me prepare dinner for them and then get a cake, birthday balloons candles for the cake and make little apple tarts as a special treat - since Lily loves apple pie so much. Sophie was just ecstatic in her excitement over preparing some birthday surprises for her mother. Sweet, sweet, sweet.

It was just a few weeks ago - probably mid to late November that I was driving along and thinking about my family and about how nothing really bad had ever happened to me or my immediate family. My father died in 1986. It was definitely bad and I miss him every day of my life. However, he’d had a couple heart attacks before his death, and had had bypass heart surgery. So, although his death was sudden, at age 67 and after his heart history, it wasn’t completely unexpected. And it was 22 years ago. Since then I’ve had 22 years of pretty smooth sailing in terms of really bad things.

The thought I had that day as I drove along is that my luck in life was bound to change - and that every day I lived I came closer to the time of that change. Yes, I was being morbid - but I frequently am. So that’s nothing new. Also, Lily had been experiencing pains in her back and in her legs. Her description of the pain reminded me of a friend of mine years ago whose son was later diagnosed with non-Hodgkins Lymphoma. His primary symptoms were excruciating pain in his legs. So, yes, the thought of cancer crossed my mind more than once before Lily’s diagnosis. Her paleness, the bruises, the pains. However, as is our nature, we push those thoughts away. It couldn’t be cancer. Just the flu or a nasty lingering infection. After all, she’d been to the pediatrician several times, and nothing serious had been found.

So, I wondered those few weeks ago, what would be the first really bad thing to happen to our family. The thought must have made an impression on me at the time because I know exactly where I was when I thought about it - the road and the exact location on that road. I thought at the time that it would probably be the death of either myself or one of my siblings. Several of us have had some minor health problems - not life-threatening, but not a walk in the park either. We’re all in our fifties or sixties - most of us are overweight and don’t exercise enough. The law of averages is not on our side.

Then December 1, 2008 arrived, and Lily was diagnosed with acute lymphocytic leukemia, and the first really bad thing to happen to me in 22 years arrived. I look at the main photo of Lily on her CaringBridge site, and I remember that I took that picture. It was in the fall - mid October, I believe, and we had gone to Pinkerton Park in Franklin for a picnic - PaPa, Lily, Sophie and me. I had taken my camera and I took lots of pictures that day. I wonder now if the leukemia was already in her at that time. It very well could have been - or perhaps that was one of her last pre-leukemia days. Her serious symptoms started about a month later, and she was diagnosed about 6 weeks after that photo was taken. What caused her cells to suddenly stop maturing properly. What was the catalyst that caused the leukemia to begin? Those answers we’ll never know.

There are defining dates in each person’s life. There are many happy dates, of course, but there are also those dates when something life-changingly bad happend. For me there are two dates that will be forever etched in my mind: December 3, 1986 when my father died, and December 1, 2008 when Lily was diagnosed with ALL.