(Update, 6-12-06, for new information on this case, click here)
Mary Winkler had her second appearance in court today and waived her right to a hearing and is now being held without bail for the first-degree shooting last week of her husband - the father of her three young daughters, ages 1, 6, and 8.Â
I wrote a few days ago about this case and that post received many comments. Quite incredible the number of comments and the amount of traffic this one story has generated. It is a story filled with questions, incredulity, and controversy.
I wanted to focus on the children today. Whatever issues Mary had that led her to murder her husband, and whatever issues Matthew Winkler may have had that led his wife to murder him, it is the children who will suffer the most. They are the innocent victims of this tragedy.Â
The two oldest children will remember their father - vaguely - as they grow up. The youngest will grow up with no tangible memory of her father.
I remember once when I was teaching second grade there was a little girl in my class who lived at a nearby children’s home. Although her parents were alive, her father was out of the picture for one reason or another, and her mother neglected and abused her. One would think the child was better off in the children’s home where she was cared for and loved (which WAS the case in this particular home).
One day I had the children write about their wishes for the world. I still remember this little girl’s wish word-for-word: “I wish that all children could be with their mamas.” No matter what her mother had done to her, the child wanted to be with her. I think that is a universal wish. Of course there are exceptions. However, almost without exception, children love their parents and want to be with them.
And that’s the tragedy of what the Winkler daughters face in their lives. Their father is gone, and they will grow up without knowing him. Their mother killed their father, and almost certainly the girls will grow up without much contact with her. The paternal grandparents have custody. I know with my own granddaughters that no matter how much I love them and adore them, there is absolutely no substitute for their own mother and father.
So amidst all the talk of the crime and what motives Mary Winkler may have had or what was beneath the surface of the outwardly perfect marriage, I hope we’ll all keep foremost in our minds that there are three little girls whose lives are irreparably changed for the worse because of what happened.
Others on this topic: Daddy’s Roses, Lubos Mot’s Reference Frame, historymike’s musings
Sphere: Related Content
March 31st, 2006 at 8:47 am
You are absolutely right…and I’m glad we’ve gotten past the church issue.
It always amazes me that no matter how badly children are treated, they love their parents and want to be with them, at least the young ones do.
I know that with my own children, on those days when I’m just a little too critical on them, they get over it quicker than I do usually, and are right back to the hugs and kisses before I can even apologize to them for my grumpiness.
March 31st, 2006 at 9:25 pm
Thanks for commenting, Aaron. There are many parts to this particular story.
April 2nd, 2006 at 5:46 pm
This is absolutely the most important issue. These precious children will have a lot to come to terms with no matter how much love they receive from grandparents and other relatives. Granted they are much better off with grandparents than foster care but they will struggle.
April 2nd, 2006 at 6:08 pm
[...] It has been enlightening to me to read all the comments on my initial post. Cruel, callous and mean-spirited? Aw, come on! Is there anyone who reads this blog even occasionally who thinks that? I was relating a personal experience and opinion, and I prefaced it with how badly I felt about the whole situation - and even later (days before this email) I wrote another post about how the focus should be on the three girls and the heartbreak they are experiencing as a result of what their mother did to their father. [...]
April 2nd, 2006 at 8:50 pm
[...] For other posts I’ve written on this topic, please check this post and this post. [...]
April 3rd, 2006 at 2:57 pm
April 3rd, 2006 at 7:13 pm
[...] People continue to read and debate the post I wrote over a week ago about Mary Winkler’s killing of her husband, a Church of Christ minister. If you want to read that post or others, go here, here, and here. In the comments section, people have argued about what the Church of Christ believes or doesn’t believe and what it practices or doesn’t practice. There are strong and passionate feelings both pro and con. For the most part it has been a civilized discussion. I’ve only had to edit one comment that crossed the line. After reading all the arguments for the submission of women in the COC and the arguments about why they don’t use instrumental music (which probably has more to do with saving money than with any Biblical misunderstanding since they do a LOT of things in their church and services that are not found in the New Testament), I figured it was time to provide some background for my beliefs. [...]
April 21st, 2006 at 11:03 pm
[...] in the Church - Is the Church of Christ right? (Winkler post follow-up), Trackback Permalink Filed under: This ‘n That Leave aComment [...]
April 27th, 2006 at 9:09 pm
Yes. Back in the end of 80s I heard one song on the radio.
“Dear Mr. Jesus”. A kid abused by her parents, and her wish for Christmas was getting her parents back home…
April 12th, 2007 at 10:39 pm
I have already enjoy your website, and it is so nice and cool. I will visit your website again. Please more updates
August 14th, 2007 at 6:39 pm
Hi our little brothers.
November 11th, 2007 at 6:37 pm
[...] Mary Winkler - Motive? Tragedy! [...]
September 22nd, 2008 at 2:28 am