I vowed I wouldn’t write another post about the Mary and Matthew Winkler case until something new and substantial came to light. It appears that has happened. I’m not one to say “I told you so” but I did tell you so!
ABC News reports an interview with Mary Winkler.
In an exclusive interview with “Good Morning America,” Winkler’s family said she killed her husband because she was abused.
“Physical, mental, verbal,” said Clark Freeman, Winkler’s father. “I don’t know how she took it. She’s a stronger individual than I am.”
Freeman says the abuse became more apparent the last three years of Winkler and Matt’s marriage.
“I saw bad bruises. The heaviest of makeup covering facial bruises,” Freeman said. “So one day, I confronted her. I said, ‘Mary Carol, you are coming off as a
very abused wife, very battered.’”
But Freeman says she denied the accusations.
“[She] would hang her head and say, ‘No, daddy, everything’s all right. Everything’s all right.’”
Friends say Winkler didn’t talk about the abuse, but her growing fear of her husband was obvious.
“One Sunday, Mary came into the church and I looked at her and she had a black eye,” said Winkler’s friend Rudie Thomsen.
Another friend, Amy Redmon, said it was clear who was in charge in the relationship.
“He was an authority figure, and he made the decisions basically. It was obvious,” Redmon said.
Sisters Say Winkler Is More Like Her Old Self
Winkler’s sisters, Tabatha Freeman, 25, and Amanda Miller, 24, told “GMA” that she seemed caught in a difficult situation and that they weren’t sure how to respond.
“We didn’t know if it could get worse if we were to confront [it],” Miller said.
Freeman and Miller also say that Matt kept Winkler from seeing her family.
“As these years went on, she seemed to be nervous to show love towards us,” Miller said. “Now it’s back to the old Mary [who] loves us and doesn’t care to come and hug us and gives us a kiss on the cheek.”
Winkler’s attorneys say there are also indications that Matt may have sexually abused her as well.
“What went on behind their closed doors is going to have to be told,” said Winkler’s attorney Leslie Ballin. “Some of what we’ve got from the state of Tennessee touches on sexual abuse.”
What’s striking to many outsiders is how accepting and supportive the majority of the community has been to Winkler.
That sense of forgiveness, community members say, stems from the town’s Christian roots and from its tendency to give people the benefit of the doubt.
Winkler’s daughters are currently living with Matt’s parents.
“She misses her daughters, but she’s staying busy,” said Miller, of her sister. “She’s the loving Mary we used to know.”
There is no joy in having my suspicions confirmed - except that so many COC readers condemned me quite vehemently for even considering that abuse might have been involved in this case. Maybe the light that will be shed on this issue via the Winkler case will wake up some people, and maybe it will help more women get the courage to free themselves from the clutches of the COC doctrine.
Perhaps it is because I didn’t grow up in the COC that I could so clearly see and feel the inequity in the COC churches I attended. COC women would tell me how they were treasured in the church - and yet the obvious facts and behaviors negated their words. That type of clash between reality and perception is a recipe for psychosis.
Any religion that skews its interpretation of Scripture in order to delegate half its members to second class status is dangerous. The general attitude of the COC is one that attracts men with a predisposition to abuse because they can then back up the abuse (whether verbal, emotional or physical) with their Biblical interpretation.
I can guarantee you that there is a lot of abuse that is never reported because the women believe they “deserve” what happens to them because they’ve lived the COC teachings their whole life. They believe they’re not as worthy as men. They feel bound to defend it and declare that what is obvious is not true.
Before the Winkler case happened, I really didn’t feel that negatively towards the COC. I knew that I could never attend one of their churches again, but that was the extent of it. However, I wrote a post immediately after the murder happened, and I was bombarded with COC folks condemning me for what I wrote. For each question I had, they kept repeating the same old arguments that apparently the church teaches everyone - even when the arguments made no sense whatsoever. And when I’d point out the inconsistencies, they’d just repeat the same thing again.
Women kept telling me how they don’t feel like second class citizens in the church - despite the fact that they can’t speak in church, can’t teach a class that has men in it and can’t serve in any leadership capacity that might possibly in any way make them “over” a man. Apparently the “masculinity” of COC men is a fragile thing indeed. It is a sad, sad religion.
When all the facts of this case are finally in the open, I hope it will make the people in the COC take a close look at their doctrines and make some changes.
Other posts on the Winkler Case:
Tennessee Church of Christ Minister Murdered by Wife - No wonder?
My Cruel, Callous and Mean-Spirited Opinion about the Winkler Murder Case
Women’s Place in the Church - Is the Church of Christ right? (Winkler post follow-up)
Mary Winkler - the story people won’t let go
Mary Winkler - FINALLY some news
Mary Winkler Finally Speaks - She Killed Matthew Winkler During a Money Fight?
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November 20th, 2006 (2 weeks ago) at 5:10 pm
I agree with you Carol. I thought all along that there must have been abuse. While I certainly don’t condone what she did, my heart goes out to her and her children. It remains to be heard what she and those children had to endure.
November 20th, 2006 (2 weeks ago) at 8:35 pm
I do think we cannot blame the COC for the abuse. The COC doctrine is a pitable misunderstanding of scripture and taking sthe text out of context of the scripture but surely the men are not taught to beat their wives????
It is so sad in that now she has his parents raising her children and in the COC church tradition…
November 20th, 2006 (2 weeks ago) at 9:15 pm
I agree, Ruth. The men are not taught to beat their wives at all. All I’m saying is that they (men AND woman) are taught (by actions and doctrine) that women are inferior to men and that men are in charge of the wives. That kind of power and inequity breeds abuse.
I agree. The saddest thing is that the three daughters are without mother or father - and they are being raised in the COC church in a family that raised a man who abused his wife. And spousal abuse often extends to child abuse as well. We’ll see what is revealed later.
November 23rd, 2006 (2 weeks ago) at 12:58 pm
That’s it. You hear the murder’s father & adopted sisters that the murder has not been close to in years make up an excuse for the murderer & you instantly believe it. And you believe what “honest, trusting,” lawyers have to say. You nothing of these people but you are stupid enough to believe the media twist & a family lying to protect their member. This has nothing to do with the COC. The murderer obviously was not a true Christian.
November 23rd, 2006 (2 weeks ago) at 9:15 pm
Wow, Pam! You are quite the judge and name-caller. Talk about not being a true Christian.
November 24th, 2006 (2 weeks ago) at 12:15 pm
when is the trial set for?
March 2nd, 2007 at 7:00 pm
As a member of the COC I would just like to point out that it is not what you implied. COC is sometimes confused with the mormon religion. Yes, the COC does believe for women to remain silent in worship and not teach in a class of men but….no where does the Bible, which is what the COC follows, condone abusing your wife. You are poorly mis informed. The bible teaches men “to love their wifes as christ loved the church” Ephesians 5:25. It also teaches for husbands to love their wives as they love themselves Eph 5:28 A true church of christ follows the Bible to the letter. If you find a COC teaching men to abuse their wives that is not Christs teachings, that is “mans” teaching. Ministers and their families are under great pressure because people expect them to be perfect people. The public sometimes forgets that they are people too. They struggle with temptation, argue with their spouse and sometimes worry about money. If Mrs. Winkler was being abused (we never know what goes on behind closed doors) then shame on him. But shame on her for not having the courage to ask for help. The COC is not to blame for this.
TMS: You obviously did not read what I wrote. Based on your spelling, punctuation and grammar, I’d say you’re probably not too well informed yourself.
April 6th, 2007 at 12:34 pm
As a master level social worker I have too often seen the devastation of every kind of abuse - the victims are usually women and/or children. My immediate thought when I heard of this killing was that Mary Winkler was protecting one or more of her daughters from sexual abuse, not uncommon in the deeply “religious” communities.
Why has this stayed so quiet, so underground?
When is the trial, and how involved is the religious right in keeping the story out of the news?
TMS: It’s in the news a lot in Tennessee. The only people I can think of who would want to keep it quiet would be people in the COC. There’s lots of denial going on there.
April 18th, 2007 at 9:35 am
My heart goes out to Mary Winkler, I have been in an abusive relationship myself, and fortunately I was able to get out before I reached my final breaking point. I know in my heart it was coming a time where I would have returned physical abuse, if I were hit one more time! I wish the jury would find her not guilty. People that have never been in that situation before, have no clue. Really folks, nobody knows what they will do in ANY given situation…
Good Day
TMS: No one condones murder. However, we can understand WHY she could have been so beaten down by abuse that she wasn’t thinking clearly and “snapped.” Thanks for commenting.
March 9th, 2008 at 4:17 am
Sexual, mental & physical abuse are not in the same category as blowing someone away with a shotgun. Abusive people can change, I don’t know about people that can shoot a unarmed spouse in the back. This woman is a monster, period. She should have gone to the police or her idiot dad but did not. To all of you ignorant fools taking her side because of a personal liberal bias. You believe all these horrible things about a man who just got murdered, shot in the back by his wife, & its his #$%%^#^%&king! wife that told you! You people have dirt for brains, you should be ashamed of your ignorance & desire to assume guilt to a person because he is a man. Are you that anxious to point your finger @ a man who was just brutally murdered? Does your ideological liberal socialist Marxist views really take you to that level of justification? I’m sure the kids are sleeping great! Wonder how they feel about mommy blowing dads chest apart? Why was their opinion not mentioned by the liberal media? Didn’t think about that did you. It brings to my mind reverse sexism. I thought educated liberals & conservatives agree that no form of perverse sexism is appropriate. I always hear media mouth pieces highlighting sexism towards women, not men. How often do you hear about men loosing out on jobs to attractive women? Or how women typically get less fines in traffic violations due to sympathy? You don’t often, & there is a specific reason. Stop believing everything the media attempts to impose on you if you are a free thinking individual, if your not then you understand nothing about being American. Its all the same people, if we are really all equal like your types say we are why don’t you start treating us & judging us all the same? Many women have been abused, so have many men. & while men may commit more violent crimes, I could argue that they have a lot of testosterone & have a harder time coping with a cheating spouse. Women don’t have high levels of testosterone, they couldn’t possibly understand how hard it is for some men to control their overactive hormone levels. I don’t think either are excuses for murder but when its a woman apparently those things are. You are being sexist in accusing or assuming guilt to someone because you don’t like their personality & your weary of their gender because of how your UN-diverse teachers taught you to think. Your dislike of their personality gives you no right to justify cold blooded murder. You people are the same that would convict an x-police officer who murdered his pregnant wife a few weeks back, of a double homicide, killing two individuals the mother and unborn child. Only to in the next breathe fight to give that same women the right to have her unborn child obliterated in a painful inhumane way while its still alive. Your ignorance & sheer stupidity make me sick.
March 9th, 2008 at 7:23 am
At no time, have I EVER condoned what Mary Winkler did. I’ve said repeatedly that she not only completely screwed her girls’ lives, but she has irreparably damaged both her family and her husband’s. What she did was wrong. My only claim is that I can understand how a woman who was verbally and physically abused could have felt that murder was her only way out. She wasn’t thinking rationally. After having observed women in several different COC churches, I saw first hand how the culture of male superiority and the subjugation of women slowly beats down women. To Mary, there WAS no other way out. To HER way of thinking, as long as Matthew Winkler was alive, she would be abused. That’s not true - she did have other options She just didn’t know there were other options. I don’t think she should to be out of jail now. That was the jury’s decision. Anyway, Mark Volta, if you ever leave a comment that is so full of hate and name-calling, you will be banned and all your comments will be deleted. Grow up.
August 1st, 2008 at 3:22 am
“You nasty man you, if you ever leave such a hate filled message again….Ill ban you from my precious world wide web blog!” You’ve got to be kidding me! You need to understand that being angry for rational factual reasons doesn’t make me less mature then you or “full of hate”. Depending on the situation and the person asked many would think that you in fact need to grow up. Any intelligent learned individual knows that rewarding bad behavior tends to….drum role, perpetuate bad behavior! Thats right, asSuming that our culture is completely dominated by men is sexist in the first place. Again you believe the feminist ideology you’ve been spoon fed. The two sexes have evolved the way the have for lots of different reasons. That evolution was based in reality, not the irrational emotional reality you live in. Women are very powerful in their own right & in many cases have developed different ways of doing things then men. I know you want all women & men to be exactly the same but they never will, sorry its not going to happen. I don’t care if Mary Winkler was damaged or emotionally traumatized, thats not the point. I know people who’ve been molested repeatedly by someone close who they could have shot or stabbed or poisoned or whatever. Mary new that there was a way out, a lot easier then the shotgun route. Furthermore this is all speculation, for all we know he could’ve been a decent guy & she the emotional psycho nut bag. I believe your embracing your feminine hormones to the point that you can’t get out of the battered woman scenario you’ve developed. You’re emotionally attached to the idea enough to not consider the obvious, this man is dead, lots of men have done far worse then what this man is accused of doing and are watching tv eating free meals in there cells. He..got..his back…blown apart. The woman is a monster not fit for society, she should be institutionalized if not executed for what she did to everyone around her. Any mother who would do that & put her children through what their going through is not a victim, just a monster. Her sex shouldn’t give her a get out of jail free card, but it did.
August 1st, 2008 at 5:37 am
You continue to illustrate your ignorance and obvious lack of education with your misuse of words and misspellings, and with your assumptions that are not true. You appear to be a very angry person, and I can only hope you can get help because harboring such hate must be a miserable existence.