So today RT and I ate at a small local restaurant after church, and I gave the cashier one of Lily’s wristbands and told her that Lily had been diagnosed with leukemia last month. She then proceeded to tell us a story that she felt would “give us hope.”
The story was that when she was four years old (probably about 40 years ago - she looked to be in her 40’s), she was diagnosed with leukemia. Her parents cried and prayed to God and then got angry. They told God that he had promised he wouldn’t give them anything they couldn’t handle, and they told Him that they couldn’t handle having a child with leukemia. So two weeks later, they went back to the doctor who discovered that it wasn’t leukemia after all - it was mono and the flu (or some two illnesses - can’t remember exactly) at the same time that ended up having the same symptoms as leukemia. Poof! no leukemia.
Okay, folks. Would THAT story give anyone HOPE? So she’s basically saying that perhaps if Larisa and Steven had prayed to God and said they couldn’t handle this, then God would’ve said, “Oops, I’m sorry. I picked the wrong child to give leukemia to. Let me look around for someone who can handle it.” What a stupid thing for someone to say.
I think of the absolute hell that Larisa and Steve and Lily and Sophie are going through - along with the absolute hell that so many other families are going through as their children battle cancer - and then to have some moron say “my parents told God they couldn’t handle leukemia, and guess what? He took the leukemia away” - it’s just so incredible insensitive and stupid. As though ANY parent wouldn’t do anything in their power to take this awful disease for their child. To even imply that praying was all that was necessary to get rid of the disease. It’s not a story of hope, but rather of an incompetent doctor and idiot parents.
Then after we got our lunch and went to our table, one of the cooks came out to tell us this long, long story about some child she knew who had a brain tumor and yada, yada, yada - all the while we’re sitting there - food in front of us - waiting for her to shut up and leave so we can eat our lunch.
I’m sure I will be told that we just have to be more forgiving and accepting of people. People don’t know what to say and so they sometimes say things that are less than sensitive. True, true, true. I was very polite to both women. They both wanted to wear Lily’s bracelets, and they both said they’d pray for Lily every day. And I truly appreciate their prayers - and the sentiments behind the sharing of their stories.
Still, I won’t be returning to that particular restaurant - and I still believe that the first lady’s comments rank at the top of the “stupidest thing anyone’s ever said to someone with a child battling cancer” list.
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January 26th, 2009 at 5:34 pm
Carol, you are so right! People can say the dumbest and sometimes most hurtful things at times like this.
We had some of the same stuff when Ray died. One person told us they knew about grief because their dog was run over and killed….another person told me that more people are killed in car wrecks than plane crashes…..and a minister said he had not called us because he didn’t know what to say!!
When I was pregnant with Ray I had to be hospitalized because I was toxic. After I got home from the hospital a woman said to me, “I had a friend who had that and she died”! Now THAT was a comfort.
I think you handled yourself well. Most people DO mean well but should just keep their mouths shut unless they can offer true comfort!
Love you and continue to pray for you all.
January 27th, 2009 at 1:20 pm
Yes most people do mean well. But some would do well not to say anything. When Charles died and i met a lady who had heard “I had taken over his ministry,” which was bad enough but she added,
“well it is good for you to have something to do, now that Charles is gone.” Yep..i did have something to do…almost 24 hours a day!