As I walked out of Walnut Grove Elementary school on May 24, 2010 - my last day of teaching before retirement - I felt melancholy. I walked slowly across the parking lot and got into my car. Then I looked back at the school where I had taught for the previous three years. I was ready for retirement - MORE than ready for retirement. I had taught for 30 years, and the joy that I’d experienced during most of my teaching career just wasn’t there anymore. I loved working with the kids, but the bureaucracy and paperwork and silly demands of the county administration was wearing.

Despite being ready to retire, however, I was also acutely aware that I was leaving what I would always consider one of the best experiences of my life. I hated to see that particular teaching experience end.

In August 2007, I started teaching at Walnut Grove - the school where Lily was in first grade. I was the reading specialist - a position I truly loved. I taught there again the next year - when Sophie started kindergarten and Lily was in second grade, and the next year when Sophie was in first grade and Lily was in third.

Altogether I taught at Walnut Grove for three years. Those years are the “good old days” that I will look back on with fondness. That first year I drove Lily home from school on most days. As we walked to the car each day, we’d talk about how we were “school buddies.” Many times we’d pick Sophie up from daycare, and they’d stay with me until their mom or dad got home from work. We’d run errands together, go home and cook dinner together, or sometimes I’d take them to their mom’s office.

During the first half of the second year, we had “reading club” after school. We’d sit around the reading table in my office, and we’d read together. I was determined to help both girls get better with their reading. I was a reading specialist, after all! It’s ironic that the reading specialist’s grandkids struggle somewhat with reading! I was determined to get them over that “hump.” Then we’d head out to the car, and I’d tell them how much I enjoyed being with my two “school buddies.”

Unfortunately that second year at Walnut Grove was the year that Lily was diagnosed with leukemia right after Thanksgiving, and all our lives were changed. Because of her treatment for leukemia, Lily couldn’t attend school the second half of that year, and she was unable to attend school the first half of her third grade year.

When Lily was diagnosed, that was the end of the reading club. Our lives were suddenly crazy - and, quite honestly, neither Sophie nor I was ready to continue the reading club without Lily. And Lily was in such intense treatment, reading was the last thing on her mind. For the remainder of that year, Sophie and I were together a lot. I’d take her home from school, or, if Lily was in the hospital, we’d go to the hospital after school to visit. I became closer to Sophie and she was my only “school buddy” for a long time.

It was January 2010 - about a year after diagnosis - before our lives became somewhat similar to how they’d been before Lily’s diagnosis. They had Brittany now - their babysitter - who picked them up from school on most days. Still, though, there were days when one or both of them would ride home from school with me. I treasured those days. Really treasured having both my school buddies with me again. I knew I would be retiring soon and that the days of teaching at their school were numbered.

Most days I’d see one or the other in the hall as I was going to pick up kids for my reading groups. Sometimes Sophie’s teacher would have me to come to their class to do a reading lesson.

Then there were some days when, although we were in the same building the entire school day, our schedules didn’t coincide, and I’d realize at the end of the school day that I hadn’t seen one or the other of them all day. And on those days, I’d make it a point to go to the car rider line and chat with them until Brittany picked them up. Often in the middle of the school day, I’d go to the cafeteria when I knew Sophie’s class or Lily’s class was eating lunch, and I’d stop by their table and say hi for a minute.

It was the “being there” that was so wonderful. With all the upset of Lily’s diagnosis, it was good for the girls to know that I was at the school should they need me. And sometimes they needed me. Once I stayed in Lily’s classroom for over an hour - just Lily and me - while she slept on pillows in the back of the room. I stayed there with her so her class could go to lunch and then to recess. When she had fallen asleep, the teacher and kids knew she was exhausted from all the chemo and they tiptoed and whispered as she slept for over two hours. Sophie worried about Lily, and on the days that Lily had to go to clinic, Larisa (their mom) would email me Lily’s blood counts or to tell me that the spinal tap had gone well & Lily was awake and eating - whatever the news for that particular visit - and I would go to Sophie’s class and let her know. She was concerned, and knowing that Lily was okay or that her counts were good was a comfort to her. Sophie’s teacher was really thoughtful - and perceptive. Sometimes she’d send Sophie to my room - just for a quick Grandma Carol hug.

And then sometimes - especially when Lily first returned to school and got tired so easily - her teacher would send her to my room to rest for awhile. We had a special “resting chair” that I kept in my office. If I was working with children, she’d come in quietly, we’d set up the chair, and then I’d continue with my reading group while she rested.

As part of Lily’s 504 plan, she “tutored” a kindergarten child each day for 15 minutes to help with her own confidence and reading. I helped Lily make her “lesson plan” and gather materials. I was thrilled that my planning time coincided with the time that she and Kate read together because that meant they could do their work in my room each day. I would sit at my desk and do my work while Lily and Kate read together. I loved being the proverbial fly on the wall as I listened to the two children interact. Reading with Kate was Lily’s favorite part of the school day.

Getting the teaching position at Walnut Grove had worked out so well - so many things came together at the right time. I had taught in the school system for many years, and just happened to learn of that position the day the previous reading specialist turned in her notice. Within 15 minutes, I had my application in and almost immediately got the job. Was it part of God’s plan so I’d be there when Lily was diagnosed? I don’t know, but I’m sure glad it worked out that way.

School will start again in August. Lily and Sophie will be attending a new school that is being built in their neighborhood. Many of the teachers at their new school will be teachers from Walnut Grove since the new school was built to relieve the overcrowding at Walnut Grove. And I will be at the school a lot - not as a teacher but as a volunteer. I will meet their teachers, and I will volunteer to come in each week to work in their classrooms. Most likely I’ll help kids with reading. Some days I will pick up the girls after school. Or, if one of them should get sick, I could be there quickly to get them.

It won’t be the same, though. The past three years were almost magical for this grandmother, and I will always remember those “good old days” with a smile.

Starting in September I will take care of Evey one day each week when Meleah goes back to work. My days with Evey, along with my days of volunteering at Lily’s and Sophie’s new school will provide new “good old days” to enjoy.

I awaken each morning, amble into the kitchen in my jammies and prepare my mug of coffee. Then I sit in my recliner and enjoy my coffee and catch up on the news - either online or on TV. Then I make breakfast and see Ron off to work. Sometimes he and I will take a walk before he goes to work.

Next I get a shower, get dressed and then, at my leisure, I make the bed, take care of dishes, laundry, generally straightening things. I stroll out in the yard and fill the bird feeders, check the garden to see if anything needs to be harvested. I might hoe some weeds in the garden or trim the rose bushes.

If I have something planned for the morning - like walking with Meleah, babysitting Evey, being with Lily and sophie, appointments - whatever - I just do all the leisurely stuff when I get home.

The house stays straight and looks company-ready ALL the time. No dishes piled in the sink, no crumbs on the kitchen floor, no laundry piled a mile high. The pantry is neat and organized. Laundry is folded and put away. I can actually find what I want in my closet.

I’ve always read that a cluttered home increases stress. Now I’m seeing the evidence for myself of how a clean and organized home makes for a calmer life. It’s nice.

The nurse was calm and reassuring. Steroids do that to a child. I remember when Lily was going through the first phase of treatment for leukemia and was getting heavy doses of steroids - she’d growl, too. Yes, literally growl.

So I sat in a chair for three and a half hours and watched this little girl - a little girl who should be outside playing with her friends, going swimming, enjoying a summer of fun. But she is in the hospital, in pain and being treated with drugs that change not only her outward appearance but her personality as well. Her innocence, her childhood have been stolen by cancer.

EVERY single adult in the country should be required to spend at least one afternoon in a hospital room with a “cancer kid.” It changes your perspective on life. It changes your priorities. It makes you profoundly grateful for your own blessings in life, and it makes you profoundly determined to do WHATEVER you can to end this atrocity. It makes you determined to bring attention to the need for more research on childhood cancer. NO child should ever have to endure what these precious children must endure.

I’m very proud that Lily’s foundation - Lily’s Garden - has funded an endowment at the Monroe Carell Children’s Hospital at Vanderbilt to further research on childhood cancer. But that is only a fraction of what is needed. There IS a cure out there. There IS a cause of cancer. And only more research will find the causes and the cures.

“Did you plug the hole, Daddy?”
“I can’t suck it up with a straw.”
“We talk to these folks because they potentially have the best answers so I know whose ass to kick.”

Do we have a junior high schooler for a leader?

“I don’t sit around just talking to experts because this is a college seminar. We talk to these folks because they potentially have the best answers so I know whose ass to kick.”

Not interested in solving the problem - just looking to place blame. And why not? He obviously has no clue how to solve the problem or even how to manage the resources the solve the problem. He must try to take the attention away from what an impotent, blowhard POTUS he is! What a joke!

Today is one of Ron’s and my anniversaries. 41 years ago today we were married for the first time. I’ve never taken the time to figure out exactly how long we’ve been married. Married 6/7/69, divorced 12/18/97, remarried 9/5/06. Someday I’ll figure it out. For now, I figure 28 1/2 years the first time, and then add 3+ years the second time. So we’re into 31+ years. We should’ve remarried on December 18th, and then we could have just picked up where we left off in counting.

In my exciting schedule, I have a dentist appointment at noon today. Tomorrow I have an appointment for my yearly mammogram. Fun times! I’ll fit a hair highlight/cut appointment in either today or tomorrow if my hairdresser can schedule it. Then I’ll drive down to my mother’s for a couple days later this week.

Goals for this week:
(1) stick to Weight Watchers points maximum each day
(2) exercise each day
(3) keep basic household chores caught up (laundry, dishes, bed, watering plants, general straightening)
(4) have healthy dinner prepared each evening
(5) do something for someone else each day
(6) do something FUN each day

Each week I read the “Obamateurism of the week” over at Hot Air, and this week’s offerings are quite impressive. Each week I marvel anew at the blind idiocy of the press and most of the left. This POTUS regularly displays his utter incompetence via words and actions, and yet they keep on ignoring and excusing.

And I’m not sure “incompetence” is the right word. I’m giving him the benefit of the doubt by labeling him incompetent instead of evil. With the massive health care push - putting our country on such dangerous financial ground and risking the wellbeing of our children and grandchildren - all his connections to questionable people and organizations, treating the oil spill tragedy so lightly, treating the Constitution so casually and the constant lying. It’s difficult to believe anything the man says.

It’s a puzzle to me. WHY is this particular person given a pass when it is so glaringly obvious that he is in over his head and has no clue how to lead our country? Is it false pride - the inability to admit that they were wrong to support this untried and un-vetted candidate? I would SO much respect someone who could get past the blind party loyalty to admit that electing this clown was a colossal mistake. However, I won’t hold my breath for that to happen.

And now, I’m 55 days away from the end of my formal teaching career. I am certain that I will be a teacher until the day I die - whether it’s teaching the grandkids to cook, teaching s Vacation Bible School class or tutoring to pick up some extra money.

What are my plans for retirement?
(1) Will get my pilot’s license. Yes, you read that correctly. Ron has his pilot’s license and owns a small airplane. I fly with him often, and I think it would be great for me to also have my pilot’s license and be able to do the flying occasionally. Plus, I’d feel more confident on flights if I knew that - should the need arise - I could land the plane myself.

(2) Get my house in order. I start days off with lots of energy and the go-getum to get a lot done. By the time I get home from work, I’m exhausted with only enough stamina to do whatever is necesary. Thus, there is a lot of organization that is lacking in our home. I don’t like clutter, and I am looking forward to having the time to get everything organized and in order. A place for everything, and everything in its place.

(3) Raise money for Lily’s Garden.

(4) Volunteer in some capacity to help children who are dealing with cancer.

(5) Spend more time with my granddaughters - including my new one - 2-week old Evey.

In 2009, I probably only wrote maybe 10 posts altogether. Just checked - I had 33 posts in 2009 - much more than I thought. I used to average three posts a day - and even after the first couple years of blogging, I managed to write at least one post per day. 2009 was a different kind of year, though. With Lily’s leukemia diagnosis last December, I lost any desire to blog about the things I’d spent time on previously. Politics? I had no heart for it. Education? no heart. Social issues? no heart for it either. The only thing that I really WANT to write about is the need for money to fund childhood cancer research. However, that’s like spitting in the ocean. Everyone is interested, but no one wants to talk about it or do anything about it. It’s like all these suffering children are just swept under the rug of conscious thought. Let’s donate to St. Jude and the Ronald Mcdonald House. Let’s collect toys at Christmas to take to the children’s hospital. However, funding for childhood cancers remain only a tiny percentage of the funds provided for research into adult cancers.

So, will I be blogging more frequently in 2010? I don’t know. This blog is too public. I have a private blog that is for only myself - where I don’t have to be concerned with censoring what I write. And I’ve written there occasionally over the past year. Maybe that’s where I’ll concentrate my efforts in 2010.

Now just imagine that this child goes to the grocery store with her mom. In the store is someone who has the flu. Not a bad case - just a little congestion and slight fever. No big deal. The person sneezes or coughs or put his hand on a cart - and one of those flu viruses just happens to find its way to the cancer kid. It’s not likely, but it could happen. It does happen.

So the flu which was no big deal to the healthy person, ends up putting the cancer kid in the hospital. . . or worse. In the past year I know of two precious children here in Tennessee who died because they caught a stupid virus - something that a healthy person would barely notice. But for a child with a compromised immune system, it ended up deadly. It’s not just the immune system. Chemo is so hard on a child’s body. It weakens the heart and other organs. Sometimes the fight that the body must wage against a virus is more than the weakened heart can manage.

And so a child is left fighting for his/her life while the person who passed along that virus has no clue of the damage he’s done.

I’ll be getting the seasonal flu shot AND the H1N1 flu shot. What’s a couple of shots compared to the possibility - however remote - of passing along a life-threatening illness to a precious cancer kid.