Who dreamed up the prep necessary for a colonoscopy? I personally believe that it’s doctors’ revenge. Doctors who must spend their days looking up people’s butts with a tiny video camera must want the patients to pay. And the prep for a colonoscopy is how patients pay. There are tablet laxatives. There are easy ways to clear out the lower digestive track. But, are patients allowed to take this easy way? Of course not.

Tomorrow I will have my first ever colonoscopy. When I turned 50 my doctor recommended that I get a “screening colonoscopy.” I felt fine – hadn’t had any problems. I declined. When I turned 55, she told me I REALLY should. I had occasional stomach-aches, but them doesn’t everybody? No big deal. However, I made the appointment with the gastroenterologist (I think that’s what they’re called), went to the pre-procedure appointment, and then just never showed up for the actual colonoscopy. I know. That was very bad of me. The doctor’s office thought so, too, and charged me $250 for the missed appointment. I don’t blame them. They set that time aside for me – and I simply didn’t show. So I paid the $250 and felt that I’d gotten off pretty easy actually. They lost money because of me.

So just this past Thursday – three days ago – I had my regular appointment with my doctor. I turn 59 next month. Once again, she mentioned that I really SHOULD get a screening colonoscopy. Okay, I said, I’ll do it. I was more compliant because on Wenesday a man I greatly respected had died of colon cancer. Going through a colonoscopy would be a mere blip on the screen of the overall picture. I think my doctor was surprised at my change of attitude and had her office immediately schedule me for the next available appointment – this time with a different gastroenterologist since we all figured the first one wouldn’t appreciate seeing me again.

Since the procedure is tomorrow morning, that means that today is my prep day. At noon I had to drink 10 ounces of a vile and disgusting grape-flavored concoction of citrate of magnesium. Almost two hours have passed, and I still feel sick from it. I might add that it, by itself, is working quite well. However, the worst is yet to come. At 4:00 I have to take two Gas-X tablet, and then starting at 5:00 I have to drink 64 ounces – that’s a HALF GALLON – of Gatorade that has an entire bottle of Mira-Lax dissolved in it. Yes a HALF gallon. I hate Gatorade. I never drink Gatorade. It is nasty-tasting. And Gatorade laced with an entire bottle of Mira-Lax will almost certainly be even more disgusting. I don’t want to create a self-fulfilling prophecy, but I will undoubtedly feel quite sick from drinking it – without even counting the laxative effect of it.

That’s what I mean about doctors’ revenge. You can’t tell me that there are not easier ways to get the lower digestive system cleaned out for the colonoscopy?

This entry was posted on Sunday, July 27th, 2008 at 12:59 pm and is filed under Health. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.