A few months ago – near the first of the year, I was strolling through memory lane via old blog posts. Back in 2007, I wrote a post to my 1995 self and wrote that I “should” write a post to my 2017 self. That made me think about what I would want to write to myself at the end of this year – my December 2015 self. Here’s what I’d say:
Hi Carol,
You gave 65 years of your life to obsessing over your weight – feeling inferior, feeling sick, feeling ugly and sloppy. I’m really proud that finally in your 66th year of life, you got that negativity out of your life. It was a waste – and it wasn’t true. So what if you have some extra pounds. That doesn’t make you any less worthy of love and respect.
I’m proud that you did the things that were important to you. You made time to be with Ron and to work on making your marriage stronger and happier. You spent as much time as possible with your children and grandchildren. You regularly spent time in prayer and devotional to God.
And hey – you got a FitBit and started using it. I’m so happy that you finally got your physical fitness going in the right direction. Of course you started that in 2012 when you started working out with a trainer every week. It was supposed to be 3 times a week but probably averaged only 2 (maybe 1 1/2 or 1 3/4 with all the conflicts. And you’ve got some muscles as a result of all that weight work. Still, that wasn’t enough to break the destructive cycle of overeating and binging that has plagued you for so long. 2015 was the year you finally broke that cycle and are healthier for it. Keep up the good work! Love, your early 2015 self
Now wouldn’t it be great if that were an accurate letter for the end of this year. What I’ve found is that I get discouraged too easily. In one of the books I read lately – I think it was Born To Crave – the author wrote that we have to learn to not let “feelings” determine our actions. When faced with temptations, we “count it as joy” to not give in to the temptation. Today, I didn’t count much joy when it came to temptations. I ate a bunch of graham crackers, and then I ate a couple slices of buttered sourdough bread. That was after eating a serving of casserole from Bible study along with a piece of fried chicken and mashed potatoes leftover fro last night’s birthday dinner for Lily. I didn’t eat any dinner tonight because I was so stuffed from my ridiculous lunch. Carbs are definitely my weakness.
Tomorrow is another day – and, in general, I am doing much better in 2015. I haven’t lost any weight in the past couple months, but I’ve been fairly regular in getting in at least 10,000 steps – 4 or 5 times each week. Last week I went to a nearby park that has a 1-mile hiking trail, and I walked the loop 3 times each time I went there. I had intended going there and walking again today, but when I came home from Bible Study this morning, I crashed for some reason – just sat, ate, napped. Well, actually now that I write that, it’s not entirely true. I had promised Sophie and Lily that I’d make them more dried fruit. So I washed and sliced apples and put them in dehydrator – filled all nine trays with them, and that took awhile. I also emptied the dishwasher and refilled it, made the bed, did a load of laundry. SO I’m not a total loss when it comes to accomplishing things today – and I went to Bible study first thing.
Tomorrow I workout with my trainer at 10:30. Afterwards, I WILL go walking at the park (got sunscreen in the car this time!) and I’ll plan out my food so I won’t binge. I can do this – or rather, God can help me do it.
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