The Median Sib Archives

You’re Just an Old Clay Ball!

Clay Balls

A man was exploring caves by the seashore.  In one of the caves he found  a canvas bag with a bunch of hardened clay balls.  It was like someone  had rolled clay balls and left them out in the sun to bake.They didn’t look like much, but they intrigued the man, so he took the bag out of the cave with him.  As he strolled along the beach, he would throw the clay balls one at a time out into the ocean as far as he could.He thought little about it, until he dropped one of the clay balls and itcracked open on a rock. Inside was a beautiful, precious stone!

Excited, the man started breaking open the remaining clay balls.  Each contained a similar treasure.  He found thousands of dollars worth of jewels in the 20 or so clay balls he had left.  Then it struck him.

He had been on the beach a long time. He had thrown maybe 50 or 60 of the  clay balls with their hidden treasure into the ocean  waves.  Instead of thousands of dollars in treasure, he could have taken home tens of thousands, but he had just thrown it away!

It’s like that with people.  We look at someone, maybe even ourselves, and  we see the external clay vessel.  It doesn’t look like much from the outside.  It isn’t always beautiful or sparkling, so we discount it.

We see that person as less important than someone more beautiful or stylish  or well known or wealthy. But we have not taken the time to find the treasure hidden inside that person.

There is a treasure in each and every one of us.  If we take the time to get to know that person, and if we ask God to show us that person the way He sees them, then the clay begins to peel away and the brilliant gem begins to shine forth.

May we not come to the end of our lives and find out that we have thrown away a fortune in friendships because the gems were hidden in bits of clay.  May we see the people in our world as God sees them.

h/t to my friend, Nancy for sending this to me.

Cartoons to Offend Most People

I just found a site that has some great cartoons. It’s http://attackcartoons.com. Here are my five favorites:

By posting just a few cartoons we have now covered the war against terrorism, race relations, abortion, the Colorado nut case teacher and gay movies - and in the process most likely offended lots of people. Oh well.

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Linked to: Adam’s Blog, Third World Country, TMH Bacon Bits, Stuck on Stupid, Rhymes With Right, Blue Star Chronicles, The Crazy Rants of Samantha Burns,  The Uncooperative Blogger, Michelle Malkin, Code Red for our Troops, Atlas Shrugs, The Wide Awake Cafe, Blame Bush

  • Blue Star Chronicles trackbacked with What’s Everybody Talking About - Thursday 3-23-2006...
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  • Learners and Knowers - In Times of Change

    “In times of change, the learners will inherit the world, while the knowers remain well-prepared for a world that no longer exists.”     ~ Eric Hoffer

    h/t to my friend, JeNan

    How do you spell “penis”?

    The first grader was working on a writing assignment and raised his hand and asked the teacher, “How do you spell ‘penis’?  

    The teacher was surprised, and thinking she probably had misunderstood him, she walked closer to him and asked, “What did you want to spell?”

    “Penis,” the child repeated.  “How do you spell ‘penis’? 

    The teacher wasn’t a prude but she also couldn’t imagine why the child was writing about a penis. She looked flustered briefly, and then the child continued:  “I’ve got the ‘hap’ part.  I just don’t know how to spell the ‘penis’ part.” (Clue:  He was trying to spell “happiness.”)

    Weekend Linkfest: Blue Star Chronicles

    Teachers: Are you a pharmacist or a doctor?

    Teachers attend professional development activities fairly often.  Today (Friday) I attended an all-day meeting of reading specialists and ELL (English Language Learners)  teachers.  I always felt that if I can come away from a day like today with even one new and/or helpful idea or insight, then it has been an above average professional development day.  Today was a bonus day.  I learned two things that are worthwhile.

     (1) I heard a joke I will relate in the next post.  I’m still chuckling with hap-penis.  That should be worth many smiles in the future as I read children’s writing and think about that little boy’s question.

    (2) I learned that Lester Laminack (author of wonderful books such as Trevor’s Wiggly-Wobbly Tooth, Saturdays and Teacakes” and Jake’s 100th Day of School“) told another reading specialist in our group that teachers need to stop being pharmacists and become doctors instead.  In other words, we need to stop doing what is prescribed by other people (programs, procedures, practices).  Instead, we need to know the children we teach and then do what we know is best for each of those children. 

    I started thinking about that metaphor.  It is powerful.  Too often, we teachers are so overwhelmed and limited by the prescribed and mandated programs and testing that are dictated by the school board or other leaders, that we are unable to do what we KNOW is right for the children in our classes.   

    High standards and high expectations are what we want for our students and ourselves, but don’t tie our hands when we’re working to meet those expectations.  Becoming the doctors of our profession rather than the pharmacists is not something that’s immediately attainable, but it’s certainly a worthwhile and empowering goal.  It will ultimately be what makes education what it should be.

    One professional development day with a gain of one new humorous story and one new insight.  It was a good way to end the work week.

    Check out The Carnival of Education - Week 58

    Each week I look forward to The Carnival of Education. It is SO full of good things to read. Week 58 is at The Education Wonks. Click on over and enjoy yourself.

    From the Hearts and Souls of Children

    Two tender stories for today:

    I was in the gym at school this morning for bus duty. As the children came in and sat down to wait for the dismissal bell, I felt a tug on my sleeve. I looked around, and there was a kindergartener - holding up some very wilted wildflowers in her fist - just a couple sprigs. However, she was holding giving them to me with a big smile of anticipation on her face. She was radiating the joy of giving. I thanked her and hugged her and told her I would put them in water as soon as I got to my classroom. A gift from the heart that I treasure.

    My second tender story: I just received an email from my mother (Ruthlace) who told me that my first grade niece, Haley, found out recently that a classmate had died. When her mother told her that she had sad news to tell her and that her friend, Anna Elizabeth, had died. Haley was very sad, but finally said, “Well Grandshaw will take care of her up there.” Grandshaw was my father, and he died many years before Haley was born. However, she has heard so much about him that she was confident he would care for her friend up in heaven. The faith of a child!

    Translating Those Report Card Comments

    I found a great book for teachers: The Reading Teacher’s Book of Lists. It has a list for just about anything in the area of reading education: phonics example words, picture nouns, easily confused words, math vocabulary, literary terms, predictable books, basic sentence patterns, activities for language development, onomatopoenia, palindromes, English sounds not used in other languages, web sites for reading instruction, book interest arousers…and the list goes on. There are 194 lists! One of the lists that captured my immediate attention was the list entitled “Report Card Help.” It lists 20 diplimatic ways to describe a child’s behavior. I’ll select my top ten.   

    So, without further ado, for parents who are trying to decipler what those report card comments REALLY mean, and for teachers who are looking for kinder and gentler ways to impart bad news, here is my TOP TEN list of Teacher-ese for undesirable student behavior:

    (10) is a klutz: “has difficulty with motor control and coordination”
    (9) smells bad: “needs guidance in development of good habits of hygiene”
    (8) is lazy: “needs ongoing supervision in order to work well”
    (7) has a big mouth: “needs to develop quieter habits of communication”
    (6) bullies others: “has qualities of leadership, but needs to use them more constructively”
    (5) is disliked by others: “Needs help in developing meaningful peer
    relationships”
    (4) eats like a pig: “needs to develop more refined table manners”
    (3) cheats: “needs help in learning to adhere to rules and standards of fair play”
    (2) steals: “needs help in learning to respect the property rights of others”
    And my #1 favorite report card comment translation:
    (1) lies: “shows difficulty in distinguishing between imaginary and factual material”

    Now you know. You can go back and read your own report cards or those of your children and know what the teachers were really trying to tell you.

     

    Jay Bennish - “American Patriot” - Reinstated

    Jay Bennish has been reinstated in his job as geography teacher at his school in Colorado. According to the news he has promised to give all sides of an issue in future classes. I wrote a post about Bennish last week that stirred up a discussion in comments. Here is a comment I received today - by an “anonymous” person (of course). It took about a minute of exploring to find out that the comment probably came from someone using a computer at the University of Colorado. So the attitude is not surprising. (I cut/pasted the comment exactly as it was written.)

    When are people supposed to start thinking and making decisions based on the vast information provided them (from various sources!)? Many have denounced Bennish for presenting controversial viewpoints (I truly hope they’ve actually listened to the audiotape) to highschool students, claiming they are not old enough to make their own decisions when only presented one side. Let’s give the students a little credit, maybe they won’t be making the same decisions as you or those in office, but that does not make them wrong. If students are not allowed to question theyare not being taught, but indoctrinated. Applause goes to Bennish for presenting viewpoints that the right-wing administration is trying to quench by calling them unpatriotic. To be proud of our country (true patriotism) we must be able to question it’s policies. If we lose our voices we become a dictatorship and not a democracy.

    I doubt the person realizes how absolutely ridiculous and contradictory his/her comments are. First this person tells us that people MUST start making decisions based on the “vast information provided them,” and then he/she contradicts that by writing that high school kids are old enough to make their own decisions when only presented with one side of an issue. Sure…THAT makes a lot sense.

    Then there’s the comment about “If students are not allowed to question, then they are not being taught, but indoctrinated.” BINGO! That was part of my argument with what Jay Bennish did. He put on a show of accepting questions, but then he effectively squelched the viewpoint of the student who disagreed with him, and then he continued with his very one-sided, very anti-American viewpoint. And what he said WAS anti-American. Forget Bennish’s criticism of George Bush. There is no way to call his bashing of the very foundation of our country - democracy and capitalism - anything but unpatriotic. There is a HUGE difference between constructive debate/disagreement and sedition.

    It is always amusing to me how some liberals try to make everything a “freedom of speech” or “freedom of choice” or “hearing all viewpoints” issue rather than looking at ALL issues fairly and rationally.

    How quickly would they change their tune if the “one side” that was being presented to the high school students was from the opposite side of the spectrum - Well, for example, the far radical right. Let’s only teach, for example, that we should bomb the hell out of Iraq and Iran - hey, throw in Afghanistan while we’re at it, and we should torture every terrorist we capture in order to get information, and we should put up thousands of miles of fences or walls (our own version of the Wall of China) to keep out illegal immigrants. Oh yes, and be sure to tell them that the United States is right no matter what. They should have blind faith in anything our president says or does. Do you think for a minute the commenter would say that the high school kids are old enough to make decisions after hearing only that side of things? I wonder what the ACLU would say about that classroom teacher?

    Questioning and debate are what make our country great. It frightens me to think that so many of our children aren’t learning those skills. They accept what is being preached via the MSM and via Hollywood rather than thinking for themselves.

    I think there is a pattern forming in the comments I’ve received. Look at this other response:

    I agree with the teacher totally :D I was taught a pack of lies about the Native Americans when I was in school and nobody complained about THAT. If my daughter had a teacher that was REALLY teaching her the TRUTH, which this man seems to be doing, then I would applaud him. You don’t want truth in American Schools though. You want a biased religious based curriculum that teaches children to follow the leader and NOT think for themselves. Perhaps if the children went out and did some research instead of relying on what is TOLD to them, we NEVER would have had this mess of a war we have, the financial state we are in, nobody without health care, people sitting on rooftops waiting to be rescued, racial bias, homophobia . .. Oh hun the list goes on. Why NOT allow a different view to be taught in our classrooms. What are we afraid of, our children actually being educated??? (TMS note: This was by someone named Lady Celticfire)

    Okay. So children should go out and do research instead of relying on what is told to them, BUT then we should also allow a different view to be “taught”. What if that different view was the radical right ones mentioned earlier? Another reader wrote a reponse to Lady CelticFire, and she assumed I wrote it. Oh well, can’t really expect these people to READ what they’re responding to here. So much for her research. The following shows us where she is coming from:

    You need to do YOUR research about what Communism REALLY isHAHA No I am really not trying to offend. But you DO need to do some research on Communism. Have you actually read the Communist manifesto? Karl Marx said “To each according to his need, from each according to his ability.” Not share all your personal possessions. That is NOT what Communism is. Thats not what Socialism is. Please, Please I beg you, actually figure out what Communism REALLY is before you start talking about what some right wing conservative from the 1950’s said. Please. You say you are a teacher, well I also have a college degree and the first thing I learned in college was How To Do Research!!!And a lil PS I wouldn’t want your stuff, thanks I worked hard for my own. Maybe you should share your STUFF with those less fortunate…

    Don’t you just hate all those assumptions? I am a Republican. Therefore, I don’t give anything to the less fortunate. I don’t research what I write. I don’t want truth in American schools. All I want is religious bias. The pattern here is that they don’t think we SHOULD think for ourselves. We should buy the whole “Bush is wrong. The war is wrong. The United States is wrong” mentality. And if we don’t then we’re just close-minded and are afraid to think or let others think.

    Bring on the questions. Let children question and think. Jay Bennish has the right to believe whatever he wants to believe. His beliefs don’t keep him from being a possibly wonderful teacher. However, when he teaches, he should stick to the subject he’s being paid to teach, and he should give an UNBIASED presentation of the viewpoints, and let the students decide for themselves what to believe.

    Atlas Shrugs has this to say:

    So Jay Bennish . . . . is back in school on Monday. . . . but the media won’t
    publish those ridiculous Danish cartoons.No double standard here, keep moving,
    nothing to see.

    For more information on this story, check out the following: Michelle Malkin , Cox and Forkum (Re: Substituting the 3T’s for the 3 R’s in education), Stop The ACLU, Big Dog’s Weblog, Conservative Thinking, The Nose On Your Face, Scrappleface, California Conservative.

    Please excuse this quick diversion from this list of blogs with Bennish stories to bring you a quote from Random Thoughts of Yet Another Military Member which offers this scenario for when Bennish returns to the classroom to offer both sides of the issue:

    Teacher (Bennish): Ok class, thats why capitalism is bad, and Bush is like Idi Amin (see I told everyone I wouldn’t use the Hitler reference anymore). Now do any of you fascist baby killing supporters want to offer up a opposing view?
    Class: No!
    Bennish: Ok, good, none of you are obviously indoctrinated in the Bush Youth yet, so I will offer the opposing view. I once heard a Republican helped a old lady across the street, before stealing her social security check to help pay for the illegal occupation in Iraq. Class Dismissed!

    I thought it was funny. I had to include it. Ok - now on to other sources for comments on this story: Slapstick Politics, DPGI, The Education Wonks, The Blue Site.

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    The Carnival of Education - Week 57

    Week 57 of the Carnival of Education is up at Math and Text. This is always one of my favorite reads each week. It points me to articles in the world of education that I might not read or know about otherwise. So head over there and enjoy!

    Linked to: Blue Star Chronicles

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    A Day in the Life of a Reading Teacher

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    8:10 I’m in the gym for morning bus duty. I remark to the other monitor that the kids are unusually quiet this morning. Each day seems to take on its own personality. Mondays are often calm with the children getting more rambunctious as the week progresses. One little girl in kindergarten who has had a difficult time in getting along with the other children, is calm and well-behaved this morning. I give her a “high flyer” card to hopefully encourage the good behavior (Alfie Cohn would disapprove).

    8:35 A.M. Immediately after the Pledge of Allegiance and the daily announcements, five fourth graders came to my room for a reading group. Full of energy except for S. She seems a little quiet. I decide to ignore it for now and see how things go. We get started on our lesson. They ASK to write in their journals, and that’s the first thing on our agenda. As the other children start writing, I see that S is just sitting there - staring off into space. “What’s wrong?” I ask. “Do you feel ok?” Her reply: “I’m bored.” Quite honestly, I think “burned out” would be a better description. She goes to school all day, comes to me for reading, and then three days a week she stays after school for a 90-minute reading clinic. I don’t blame her. I’d feel like a zombie at times, too. I work with her for a few minutes and she gets involved in writing in her journal and doesn’t seem so “bored” anymore. She is probably still bored and is just putting on show to keep from hurting my feelings. Elementary children still care about such things.

    9:45 A.M. My third grade group bursts into the room. One child, K, is coughing. A lot. I pass hand sanitizer around to everyone - a fairly regular practice of mine. I believe it cuts down on the number of colds and viruses I get. K tells me that it’s his birthday, he doesn’t feel good, and he has to go to the dentist this afternoon. I sympathize, and then I ask the children to share about their weekend. I get the usual responses: “I went to WalMart and got a new game for my PS2.” “My friend came over and we played.” “My uncle took us for a ride on his four-wheeler.” Then it was K’s turn. I will give you an exact quote:

    “I was coughing really bad and I drank a Dr. Pepper and it turned into an ooze -
    a goo - and clogged up my throat. And that’s why I’m coughing so
    much.”

    Okay, that explains that!

    10:30 My second grade group. My biggest challenge when it comes to behavior. I feel guilty writing that because there are only four children in the group. However, L and B are in that group, and they’re a handful. Sweet as can be, but mischievous and loud. They ask for hand sanitizer, and so I pass it around. As the children tell me about what they have done since we met last Friday, B listens to the others. Then he says: (another exact quote)

    “I went to the animal store and got three dogs. My mom said to get
    something for my sister. So I got her a raccoon and when she saw it, she
    yelled. So I had to put it back in its cage and I got her a rabbit.” 

    THREE dogs? A raccoon? A rabbit? I look at him, and it seems obvious from his expression that he is lying. But there is also a look in his eyes that begs for acceptance. I see no benefit in calling him on it. I smile, comment on the number of animals he got and we go into our lesson.

    11:15 My student from the Ukraine. We’ve come a long way, and I see real progress today. He reads on grade level for the first time. Yes, it is painfully slow and tedious. The material is too difficult for him. However, it is a text he wants to read because he is interested in it (animals with poisonous venom), and he actually figures out most of the unfamiliar words on his own. Painstaking, but definite progress.

    11:45 Here come my kindergarteners. This is a group of high-achieving girls - an absolutely delightful group. They’re just a little older than Sweet Stuff, and everytime I look at them, I think of Sweet Stuff. Today we read two Level C books, and they do a great job. I give them Dr. Seuss stickers (Yes, I know Alfie Cohn would disapprove again) and high fives, and they are thrilled. It ends my morning on a high note.

    12:30 Lunch is a bowl of chili - leftover from dinner last night and heated up in the microwave in my classroom. Quick trip to the restroom, and some work on a book order I must complete and send to the central office by Wednesday.

    1:15 My first grade group. I hear one little boy before he even gets inside the classroom - cute as can be but with a shrill voice. As he walks in he announces loudly: “I have to go to the bathroom. It’s an emergency!” I’m sure all the classrooms in our hall hear his proclamation and are relieved when I give him my blessings for a trip down the hall to the bathroom. He walked past two bathrooms to get from his classroom to mine but felt he had to get my permission before going. And that’s a good thing since I DO have to know where they are at all times.

    2:00 Another quick walk down the hallway to the ladies room, and then back to the classroom for some paperwork.

    2:30 My fifth grade group. I love all the children I work with, but this fifth grade group has five boys who each have an enjoyable sense of humor. The only girl in the group (also with a funny sense of humor) is absent today. The fifth graders keep me on my toes because they’re so full of energy and all that pre-puberty exuberance. They’re FUNNY, and we have a good time together. They love to read aloud to the group and ask to do it each time they come to my room - their choice of material. Of course I encourage it. So we all listen as one reads some jokes, another reads a page from The Stupids Step Out (fifth grade humor, without a doubt!), and another reads a couple pages from a book about helicopters. Then we work on some test-taking skills - reading a passage and answering questions about the text. They read the text perfectly, but all five of them bomb in answering the multiple-choice questions - questions dealing with main idea and details. Except for the main idea question, the questions are just simple “right there” questions. We talk about each question and how to find the answers. It is a struggle, and it is obvious what we need to work on during our next class.

    3:20 The fifth graders go back to their homerooms and afternoon announcements are made over the intercom

    3:30 The bell rings and the children are walked to either the bus line or the car line. I don’t have afternoon duty, and so my work with the children is finished for the day. I complete some paperwork and finish writing comments in some of the children’s journals.

    3:45 The official end of the day for me. I gather my things, turn out the lights, lock the door, and head home. Another day of school finished. It has been a good one.

    Jay Bennish - Communist Agent for Colorado Schools

    Coming home from school today, I listened to the news about Jay Bennish, a 10th grade geography teacher who taught communism and anti-Bush, anti-America thinking along with (or in place of) his geography lessons: Here’s a summary of what he taught in the taped lesson that is being played and replayed on the radio, TV and Internet.

    (1) He compares Bush to Hitler.
    (2) He thinks capitalism is at odds with human rights, caring and compassion.
    (3) He teaches that the US government working WITH the government of another country to try to decrease the amount of illegal crops justifies other countries coming to the U.S. and destroying legal tobacco-producing areas.
    (4) He teaches that the U.S. is the worst terrorist country in the world.

    And those are only the highlights of his lesson. I read through the transcript of the lesson and if I hadn’t been TOLD it was a geography class, I never would have guessed it.

    When the student who was secretly taping the class disagreed with him, he accepted the disagreement and then very “reasonably” explained why the student was wrong and quickly brought the lesson back to the U.S. and Israel being the real terrorists. It was this calm, outward acceptance and consideration of the student’s questions and then turning it around on the student that bothered me the most.

    As a long-time public school teacher, I have always been aware of the tremendous influence I have on the children I teach. Children identify with their teachers, and they often emulate them. Sometimes when kids are going through their adolescent rebellion phase, they are prone to trust teachers before their parents. Teaching is an absolutely mind-boggling responsibility.

    I wrote awhile back about the book Children’s Story by James Clavell. The story covers one class period in an elementary classroom. Although there is no direct correlation between the story and what Jay Bennish did in the classes he taught, there are some similarities that are striking and chilling. As I said before, Children’s Story is a quick read - maybe 30 - 45 minutes at the most. It’s worth the effort, and it will make you consider the power of the classroom teacher.

    Further reading on the Jay Bennish story: Michelle Malkin, The American Check-up, Plains Feeder, The Political Dogs, The Defiance, Is This Blog On?, Severe Writers Block, Survival Theory, Intercepts, The Education Wonks, Conservative Thinking, Right Wing Nation, The Uncooperative Blogger, Freedom Folks, Tundra Tabloids

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    Carnival of Education - Week 56

    The Carnival of Education, Week 56 is up at The Education Wonks. I have just spent a good chunk of my morning reading some of the posts. There is one on testing that just floored me! Take a stroll down the midway and enjoy some great reading.

    Read Across America and Dr. Seuss’s Birthday

    Did you know that this week is Read Across America week? Thursday, March 2nd is Theodor Seuss Geisel’s birthday. Geisel (better known as Dr. Seuss) was born in 1904 and would have been 102 this year. He authored and illustrated forty-four children’s books. The first one was published in 1936. Not only have our children grown up with his books, but we did and our parents did. Maybe even some of our grandparents.

    Today was “Crazy Socks Day” at my school in honor of Fox in Socks, one of my favorite Dr. Seuss books. Children and teachers wore their craziest socks. For me, that meant some Rudolph-the-red-nosed-Reindeer socks. Yes, Christmas was over two months ago, but my Rudolph socks are the only unusual socks I own.

    Fox in Socks is a tongue-twister of a book that the children LOVE, and it’s great reading practice for them. They have to read THROUGH each word carefully to get it right. I used the book with a small fifth grade reading group yesterday, and I used it with first grade, second grade and fourth grade groups today, and they all loved it. I even read it aloud to the entire third grade yesterday. With a room full to bursting with children, it held each one’s attention. In the small groups, it was fun to watch the children’s faces as they struggled through the tongue twisters. There was laughter. No one realized they were getting some high quality oral reading practice. The introduction to Fox in Socks warns

    Take it slowly. This book is dangerous!

    And it is! Dangerous for anyone who doesn’t want to smile. Here’s a sample:

    Let’s do tricks with bricks and blocks, sir.
    Let’s do tricks with chicks and clocks, sir.
    First, I’ll make a quick trick brick stack.
    Then I’ll make a quick trick block stack.
    You can make a quick trick chick stack.
    You can make a quick trick clock stack.

    Or how about this one?

    Bim comes.
    Ben comes.
    Bim brings Ben broom.
    Ben brings Bim broom.
    Ben bends Bim’s broom.
    Bim bends Ben’s broom.
    Bim’s bends.
    Ben’s bends.
    Ben’s bent broom breaks.
    Bim’s bent broom break.
    Ben’s band. Bim’s band.
    Big bands. Pig bands.

    Tomorrow evening I will stop by Sam’s Club to pick up NINE sheet cakes so that each child at my school can celebrate Dr. Seuss’s birthday on Thursday with a piece of birthday cake. I’ll be wearing a Cat In The Hat hat as I dish out cake slices.

    Your assignment: If you know a child, read a Dr. Seuss book to him or her this week.

    Why Education is Important

    OK, I KNOW you’ve probably gotten this in your email. It’s making the rounds right now. However, I liked it enough to copy it to THE MEDIAN SIB. If you haven’t seen it yet, enjoy. . .

    Why education is important…

    Random 2005 journal entries from a “less-than-slightly educated”:

    January: “Took new scarf back to store. Too tight.”

    February: “Got fired from pharmacy job. Couldn’t get labels to print correctly. Duh… bottles won’t fit in typewriter!!!”

    March: “Got excited…finished jigsaw puzzle in just six months. The box said 2-4 years!”

    April: “Trapped on escalator for hours. Power went out!!!”

    May: “Tried to make Kool-Aid. Disaster. Eight cups of water WILL NOT fit into those tiny little packets!!!”

    June: “Tried to go water skiing. Never could find a lake with a slope.”

    July: “Lost breast stroke swimming competition. Learned, later, the other swimmers cheated–they used their arms!!!”

    August: “Got locked out of my car in rain storm. Car got swamped, because the top was down.”

    September: “The capital of California is ‘C’! Isn’t it???”

    October: “Learned that I hate M & M’s. They are so hard to peel.”

    November: “Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days. Didn’t turn out well. The instructions said one hour per pound, and I weigh 108!!!”

    December: “Couldn’t call 911. ‘Duh’…there’s no ‘11′ button on the phone!!!”

    “What a year!!”

    Thursday Thirteen - Words that make you sound smarter than you are

    Thursday Thirteen

    Thirteen Words that THE MEDIAN SIB thinks make people sound smarter than they are

    1. unobtrusive: Instead of “Would you just shut up!” you could say “Please be unobtusive so you won’t disturb everyone.”

    2. maladroit: “I can’t believe I was so clumsy!” will become “Goodness gracious, that was maladroit of me to knock that urn off the mantle!”

    3. cacophony: “All this noise is driving me crazy!” will be “The cacophony in here is somewhat overwhelming.”

    4. retribution: Replace “I’ll get you back, you scumbag!” with “I will exact retribution for your misdeeds.”

    5. fatigued: “I’m so tired.” will become “I’m feeling a bit fatigued this evening.”

    6. insipid: Instead of “That speaker is boring me out of my mind!” substitute “That insipid speaker is giving me the vapors.”

    7. dishevelled and 8. manifestation: “Lord, I’m a mess today!” will be replaced with “My dishevelled appearance is a direct manifestation of an alarm clock malfunction this morning.”

    9. sagacious: Instead of “He thinks he’s so smart!” would be “His perception of being sagacious is flawed.”

    10. wretched: “Omigod, after that party last night, I’m wasted!” is replaced with “The excess libations last night along with a paucity of slumber have rendered my countenance quite wretched.”

    11. conundrum: “These directions are totally confusing me!” becomes “These directions are a conundrum from which there is no escape.”

    12: restitution: Instead of asking for a refund, I’ll say, “I demand restitution for the time and money this defective merchandise has cost me.”

    13. inexorable: “Monday morning always gets here too quickly.” will be “The inexorable nature of the passage of time is an undeniable reality.”

    Links to other Thursday Thirteens!
    1. Joan (Joan, let me know if I used any of the words incorrectly!)

    2. Jane

    3. Terrell

    4. Mel

    5. Uisce

    6. Nicole

    7. Jill

    8. Norma

    9. Lazy Daisy

    10. Nancy

    11. Shash

    12. Karen

    13. Chickadee

    14. Melissa

    15. Leesa

    16. Dariana

    17. Ruth

    18. Kelly

    19. Dana

     

    (leave your link in comments, I’ll add you here!)

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    The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

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