The Median Sib

A man and his wife were sitting in the living room and he said to her, “Just so you know, I never want to live in a vegetative state dependent on some machine. If that ever happens, just pull the plug.”
His wife got up and unplugged the TV.

I spent a little time this afternoon re-reading parts of The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook: Dating and Sex, and even though I’ve read it a couple times, I still laugh at parts of it. In the section “How To Survive a Fashion Emergency: Shirt Caught in Zipper,” there were the following words in step 3: “Apply steady force to the zipper; pull but don’t yank too hard. Be careful not to pinch your fingers. Also, be sure to keep the garment away from the body, so the teeth of the zipper don’t bite your skin. This is especially important if you’re not wearing underwear.” Do you remember the scene in “There’s Something About Mary” when Bill Stiller had that problem? I laughed till I cried at that scene. And when Mary’s mom tried to spray Bactine . . . It was, without a doubt, one of the funniest movies I’ve ever seen. If you’ve seen the move, you have to be laughing now just thinking of it.

The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook: Dating and Sex

Now that I’ve been reading Mother Tongue Annoyances lately, I have realized that spelling and grammar mistakes in advertising are quite common! My granddaughters spent last night with me, and this morning when their mom and dad picked them up, we all went to The Franklin Chop House for brunch. After eating, Sweet Stuff wanted me to take her to the bathroom. While I stood there in the stall waiting for her to take care of business, I glanced at the stall’s advertising board. Nowadays, one can’t even use the bathroom without being faced (literally) by advertising. One ad was for Chadwick’s Personal Fitness Training. Here is part of their ad:

Don’t you just love it? If I’d had a camera, I would have taken a photo of it to post. I got out my purse, dug around for pen and paper and copied it down. Sweet Stuff wanted to know what I was writing, and I showed her my paper. “You drew a lot, Grandma Carol!” she commented. I did. I wanted to make sure I had the exact wording along with the website address, too.

I received an email one time that contained the phrase “for all intensive purposes” instead of “for all intents and purposes.” I guess someone could have an intensive purpose. I don’t know. I remember a comedian, Norm Crosby, who used malaprops as his comedy, and he was hilarious.

I’ll take my camera with me to work tomorrow and hope that the Pizza Hut sign I mentioned a few days ago is still there. If it is, I’ll post a picture of it here.