The Median Sib

Last week my oldest granddaughter started kindergarten. My daughter signed up to help the teacher. After the first day of helping in the classroom, my daughter called me.

“Mom, remember that story you told me about the woman who would ask a question and then just sit there until the kids finally came up with the answer?”

Well, she didn’t have it exactly right, but I knew what she was talking about. And I have to admit I was thrilled that she remembered something I’d mentioned to her almost two years ago. In 2004, I attended a seminar by Ellin Keene. During the seminar she worked with a group of third graders, modeling a class book discussion using the book Freedom on the Menu. During the discussion when she’d ask a question and the child would respond, “I don’t know,” she would reply, “I understand, but if you DID know, what would you say?” Then she would be quiet and wait. And wait. And wait.

I was among the ones in the group who cringed at the thought of how uncomfortable the kids were to be put on the spot like that. The kids would stammer and stumble over their words for a few seconds, but then without exception, they’d come up with an insightful answer. I left there awed. I had always used “pause time” whenever I asked questions in class. However, if a child indicated he/she didn’t know the answer, I would move on to someone else. I didn’t want to put a child on the spot - didn’t want to make anyone feel uncomfortable.

Back to the conversation with my daughter. She continued:

At L’s school today, her teacher did the same thing! She had one of their names with the letters scrambled, and the kids were figuring out whose name it was. She asked them how they knew that the “C” was the first letter in the child’s name. The kids just sat there and squirmed. It was obvious no one knew why. After all, it’s just the first week of kindergarten! But Mrs. K kept waiting. Seconds passed. The silence and the uncomfortable atmosphere were driving me nuts.

I felt like screaming, “For God’s sake, they don’t know! Tell them the answer! They’ll all go home traumatized from all this pressure!” But I didn’t, and after a few seconds, several kids raised their hands: “Because it’s a capital letter, and names should start with a capital letter.” They’d figured it out with no prompting from Mrs. K! And you could see the pride and confidence in their faces afterwards. They had thought their way through confusion to understanding.”

What a good reminder for me that too often I don’t give my students the opportunity of being uncomfortable enough to think beyond the obvious! Being intellectually uncomfortable is not a bad thing.